Prarie Wolf – ASV

Tag: Svihawu

  • Showing up every day October

    I feel like I am learning more than just to draw. I’m learning to show up for myself. I found peace in the void between the stars. The endless summer is over and the hard winter approaches quickly.

    I often phrase my professional motto by saying “My entire shtick is that I show up every day, doesn’t matter if I’m having a bad day. At the end of the day I’ll have still been there and done something.” This has served me well when I was brave enough to work. I don’t think I ever applied this motto to myself in any similar capacity until recently this year it feels like. I can’t deny observable results.

    Svihawu is becoming a positive force where no other religious deity can for me. A faith based purely on the motion of nameless empty spaces. Complete Acceptance where shame is falsely manufactured and the lived experience is cherished. Where love, kindness and empathy are not loaded words. E.G. care must include consent and not forced conversion to a set of ideals. Love means empathy for the living condition. Acceptance for everything you are. A faith that Consent of the individual soul is most important. That is what Astrolatrians believe Svihawu has ordered for us, that’s what I believe. Acceptance, Love and Consent are the keys to the universe. There is only death in conquest.

    There’s too much exclusionary and violent religious trauma for me feel comfortable near the church. Its fascinating… like a horror film… There are small pockets of kind Christian’s don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t the majority.

    No Kings protest made History with a capital H yesterday. It was the largest joint protest across the U.S.A in the history of the U.S.A. People do not want project 2025, we don’t want trump, we don’t want to be ruled, we dont want cruelty and restrictions. We want social liberation and freedom to be ourselves without conforming to a soulless ideal labor citizen #. Cruelty doesn’t represent us and punitive punishments do not represent justice. That’s just retribution slavery dressed as a court system. Being born somewhere else and living in another place should never be a crime. We should be a country whos borders are the values of “all beings are created equal and shall be treated fairly under the law” swear to this and that’s the border. Not land or maps that can be purchased and re named at behest to the corrupt and greedy.

    10-12-25:

    Two sketches of valla with different orientations and expressions with some plushified attempts in the bottom right of the image. the text at the top right reads " Today will take strength, I will cry but I will try. Svihawu Bless. " and the text at the bottom middle reads "thanks for the lamp. It can get dark here sometimes. " signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    ” Today will take strength, I will cry but I will try. Svihawu Bless. ” “Thanks for the lamp. It can get dark here sometimes. ” – A. Sylvaster Valentine

    This was a rough day. 3rd time making it to step three nicotine patches. I have tried and failed a few times, its always rough the first day of this and the last couple after.


    10-13-25:

    A sketch of my Furry Faoleux Valla in a hat and glasses wrapped in some kind of blanket or a cloak. the text to the right reads" I love the cool Autumn air. Its a wonderful excuse for blankets and hot tea. Svihawu Bless. Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine
    ” I love the cool Autumn air. Its a wonderful excuse for blankets and hot tea. Svihawu Bless.” – A. Sylvaster Valentine

    The first cool day this season, with my emotions all over the place I enjoyed the cool overcast day.

    10-14-25:

    A Sketch of Valla from the back as she looks towards the lamp behind her in the top left. the text on the right reads "Thanks for the light. Svihawu Bless. " Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    “Thanks for the light. Svihawu, Bless. ” – A. Sylvaster Valentine.


    “Thanks for the light. Svihawu Bless”

    I am started to enjoy drawing those lamps. I have found a wonderful excuse to draw a swirl in my daily doodles.
    I also wanted to draw Valla really taking time to appreciate it.

    10-15-25:

    A sketch of Valla leaning with one arm on a table and leaning in with a grin on her maw. the text reads "I will eventually get this art endeavor right. One sketch at a time. Svihawu Bless. "
    “I will eventually get this art endeavor right. One sketch at a time. Svihawu Bless.” – A. Sylvaster Valentine

    I also am working on being a better listener. I really do want to hear your story.

    10-16-25:

    A sketch of Valla with her right paw up open to the front. She has a tired but silly expression with her tongue just a tad bit out, teasingly sarcastic. the text reads “ I want to pause, and learn to draw paws. – Svihawu Bless” -Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.
    “ I want to pause, and learn to draw paws. – Svihawu Bless” -Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.


    I have been struggling all my life with over talking/over-sharing. For me it comes as a trauma response and I want to stop.

    While I find new ways to exist here I leaned on some cognitive tricks and my new faith to start pausing before I speak. Often I only need to count to three, and that’s enough for me to stop and think if I really do want to say it. I have “Think 1, 2, 3, Svihawu, be with me, Dont Speak” on a postit note. I want to be careful what I say and only speak to the life and person I want to be… which happens to be a soft, kind werewolf esotrician.

    I also want to draw paws. So I did, Vallaferescense has paws, and I draw her daily.

    Svihawu Bless

    10-17-25:

    A sketch of Valla looking forward with a soft smile on her face, she is holder he left paw up and a holographic green apple with some 3d shapes is projected above it. the text to the right reads " don’t need to be much, or different every day. I only need to show up, and try to exist, to win today. Svihawu Bless." signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    “Svihawu Bless.” -A Sylvaster Valentine.


    I don’t need to be much,
    or different every day.
    I only need to show up,
    and try to exist,
    to win today.
    Svihawu Bless
    -A. Sylvaster Valentine


    I honestly didn’t know what expression to give Valla today. so I drew her looking straight ahead again and this magic happened.

    It is really powerful to just show up for yourself every day and when I look back over the last couple of years and especially recently, I started showing up for myself with these drawings. Look at how cool I look as a prairie wolf shaped faoleux in a hat and glasses. The magic is real if I let my faith of it be real in my heart.

    10-18-25:

    A sketch of valla only done in blue. She is wrapped in a blanket or a cloak with her paws drawn up together underneath. The Text reads " I'm Here... But its hard to be more than blue today. I want to have hope, Svihawu." signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    “I’m here… but its hard to be more than blue today. I want to have hope, Svihawu.” – A. Sylvaster Valentine.


    I have been almost doing line art with the black pen and mentally that was adding another step. Sometimes if I make the task too complex or put too much weight onto practice, I’ll stop because I don’t want to make something less than my “ideal”. Here is the secret, I want to let myself mess up sometimes. If I can’t learn to recover from failure then what is the point. I feel like society puts so much pressure to always excel all of the time without failure while completely ignoring how much practice it takes to get to success. I think this part of culture was injected to keep others down, to suppress the creative beauty of life in a way.

    Edit: I had forgotten about inktober… I use pen, that is ink, this is my first time participating in inktober like this.

    “Prairie Wolf”
    -A. Sylvaster Valentine

  • October Update: ~2 months of drawing every morning.


    These sketches have been an uplifting force in my life. I feel that I am learning and in ways I am learning to be kind to myself.

    I started drawing Valla as just a prairie wolf, but she has always been a Faoleux. I’ll reveal more on that as I write more. Here is a summary of what I have so far.

    Basically Valla is one of these and has a more dragon like tail with a pouf on the tip. The faoleux animal kindom in Infinite Evermore is diverse with a rich history. Ancient faoleux obsessed with ascension and universal expansion. Those ancients created many of the species we see today from themselves. Other species of faoleux came about due to planetary isolation over hundreds of thousands of years. The species group Valla is part of is called Naktaluf [for nectar leaf] and it may be easier to summarize what she is as an organic 4D being similar to the Tardis from Dr. Who but without time travel. They typically live in hives and connect conceptually to each other but Valla is a runt and was exiled at a young age. I enjoy thinking about her on adventures elsewhere in evermore and the kinds of friends she meets.

    I also filled up an entire journal and started another, writing is also part of this healing exercise.


    The “real” world is still scary to bear witness to and its very difficult to hope. I want to try to be positive anyway.

    10-1-25:

    A sketch of valla done in blue, she is facing the viewer with her paw raised like she is whispering a secret. a quickly drawn sketch of a yinglet is in quotations to the right.

    Here we have Valla trying to tell you a secret. I was feeling more light hearted and wanted to imagine her saying “yinglet” but not in language or words, just saying the entire concept of “yinglet” as a whisper. I find the concept of this humorous. She could just be projecting.

    *Yinglets come from the webcomic Out of Placers https://www.valsalia.com/

    10-2-25:

    A blue sketch of my faoleux prarie wolf valla looking to the left paws together in prayer. an attempt at drawing her tail and fur. Text reads "I want to learn how to draw creatures, Svihawu" signed A. Sylvaster Valentine

    “I want to learn how to draw creatures, Svihawu” -A. Sylvaster Valentine.

    I write these prayers sometimes. Doing it helps. I used to like the idea of religion, well, that there was something … else… Christianity decided long ago to carry the false knowledge of shame in disparagement to our kind. I refused this shame, endured their violence and was cast out. But it has gotten interesting lately. The Astrolatrian faith is one of the many faiths present in Valla’s universe, the universe of Infinite Evermore. I’ve decided she prays too. In a way through her I join in this faith to Svihawu, the infinite cosmic motion of the universe. I do want to learn to draw creatures, so very much.

    10-3-25:

    A sketch headshot of valla in blue facing forward with a blank expression. the text reads "I want and hope today goes smoothly, Svihawu" signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.


    “I hope today goes smoothly, Svihawu” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine

    I had a big day, an important day. I legally changed my name. I was understandably stressed because a few years ago, I took an oath to the void between the stars to never take my hat off, to stand before even Svihawu and say “I think this thing on my head is neat, I have no shame.” In a more reverend setting I may share this oath out loud and was prepared to if they made me on that court room call. The judge didn’t require such. I was just as well dressed as any of the lawyers and it went well.

    10-4-25:

    a blue sketch of Valla, looking to up and to the right. Melancholy radiations from her expression. the text reads "I had a dream about the Great Journey again Svihawu. Why do I feel this way?" Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.

    “I had a dream about the Great Journey again, Svihawu. Why do I feel this way?” -A. Sylvaster Valentine.

    All my life I have had these very vivid dreams. Most of which I am just a feral prairie wolf hiding in the shadow with strange magic that can be used but never shown. Occasionally I will have a dream that is like a massive obstacle course ascending a peak with visuals similar to the horizon of a halo ring. Anyway the challenges are just everything I have struggled with in my life in order but I am doing them as a wolf, with paws, I still do them and there’s more.

    I should also mention, time works differently in my dreams. As I practice writing I might be able to describe how its possible to experience days of decades and centuries as memories in a dream.

    10-5-25:

    A picture of Valla sketched in blue. This image has a background that looks like an elevator viewed from a fisheye camera at the center of which, the Faoleux Vallaferescense with here hat and round glasses. Shes holding what looks like a notebook. text reads "Hello from Evermore Svihawu. Signed Vallaferescense" Signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.


    “Hello from Evermore, Svihawu” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine


    Valla is a much better dream, she’s saying hello into a security camera on an elevator. I think the effect is interesting when looking at this drawing through a large glass orb. It is hard to capture in a still image and get the angle right.

    The same sketch of valla in the elevator as above but more fisheyed. it is being viewed from a 100mm glass orb.
    A picture of a glass orb over a drawing of Valla, with stereoscopic vision this has a near 3D effect on the sketch.


    “Hello Valla”


    10-6-25:

    A sketch of my Prairie Wolf Shaped Valla leaned to the left with hear head resting on her hand looking forward with a blank smile. Shes holding a mug and her tail is extremely fluffy. the text reads "If i think about thick tales long enough. They'll happen, Svihawu" Signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.


    “If I think about thick tales long enough. They’ll happen. Svihawu, Bless.” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine


    I feel like my paradigm and attitude towards my sketches and doodles is changing. I am drawing more of my soft girl Valla even more of her tale too. I am still learning and have so much yet to learn.


    10-7-25:

    A sketch of Vallaferescense staring forward to the viewer with a smile on her face. Shes wearing her typical attire and has her right paw held up to our left. the text reads "and paws too? " Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.


    “and paws too?” – A. Sylvaster Valentine

    This was in response to yesterday’s sketch where I said if I thought about it hard enough I could do it. And yes, Paws too!


    10-8-25

    On the left of this image we have a sketch of Valla with her arms on the table and paw gesturing in gentle conversation. Shes got a bit of a smile and the text reads "Even if I don’t quite like my work at first. I need to take a step back and look at what I learned having done it” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine." on the left we have a more horrified Valla next to the text "I’m worried the civil war is starting. You can’t arrest governors based on lies and fake news"


    “Even if I don’t quite like my work at first. I need to take a step back and look at what I learned having done it” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.

    I feel like I am now pulling positivity out of the void itself from nothing. I have these stories and Valla. And I am seeing my own improvements. Just doing one thing a day builds over time.

    I still get pulled back into this dark reality we all share however. I only recently left Illinois and voted for Pritzker. When they get out there and spew those lies about my neighbors, its terrifying because the truth is anything but whats on TV. “I’m worried the civil war is starting. You can’t arrest governors based on lies and fake news” its truly horrifying to bear witness to the shear amount of gaslighting being levied at anyone who opposes unquestionable authority the likes of which banned using the dictionary definition for what they are to denote what they are. [bearing witness to this agenda is nothing short of psychological torture]. So what are you supposed to do when you can simply go outside and see the difference in reality. What even is real if the observed truth is not a “real” truth and lies are law to be repeated? I’m horrified by the actions taken against the innocent because of the color of their skin or the sound of their voice for crimes I do not think should even be crimes. They zip tied children and shot a pastor.That is likely why they lie about folks like me too.

    10-9-25:

    A sketch of Valla praying with several icons doodles to the right. A cup of pumpkin spice, a pumpkin, two apples, corn, leaves, and pancakes occupy most of the right. the text reads "Svihawu, I press harder when I make mistakes. I need to learn to be more gentle when I’m not perfect” - A. Sylvaster Valentine" Brown IS possible. Capital "is" for possible.


    “Svihawu, I press harder when I make mistakes. I need to learn to be more gentle when I’m not perfect” – A. Sylvaster Valentine

    I got my multicolored pen out, made brown pancakes with it and drew a few cute fall things. Or did I draw Valla praying the concepts of these things. I really enjoy every time Valla communicates the pure concept of something.


    10-10-25:

    On the left of this image there is a lamp sketched from a tesseract supported on a swirl, tentacles from the top, and a few vallas locking to each direction. the text reads "Maybe its okay, to make bold mistakes. Why do Pride and Shame dance together so tightly? Svihawu Bless. "Signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.


    Maybe its okay,
    to make bold mistakes.
    Why do Pride and Shame
    dance together so tightly?
    Svihawu Bless.

    As I slowly sketched this, I kept thinking. I wonder when its going to be undeniable that I enjoy certain concepts found in “cosmic horror” type themes. Vallaferescense herself is a shape shifting 4 dimensional organic space ship shaped like the prairie wolf variant species of a faoleux in the 3rd dimension. The lamp was a rotated tesseract I was drawing. It looked cooler as a lamp. now I know that if I draw a tesseract on 2D it makes drawing cool lamps easier. They probably have a name for that style of luminary but haven’t learned it yet.

    – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine

    10-11-25:

    A picture of two sketches of Valla with a lamp to the left. the first sketch to the left is Valla Praying with the text below reading Svihawu, My faith in you has given me strength to accomplish anything [at all]. May this Faith grant the Courage and Fortitude To be Kind and Gentle. the sketch to the right has Valla looking to the top right facing the bottom left with a bashful posture and next to her the text reads " I’m glad I’m worth drawing everyday" Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.

    Svihawu, My faith in you
    has given me strength
    to accomplish anything [at all].
    May this Faith grant
    the Courage and Fortitude
    To be Kind and Gentle.

    I’m doodling more now, just in general. When I can’t think of anything to draw Valla doing, I can draw her praying because I want too. Sometimes I write what Valla says.

    “I’m glad I’m worth drawing everyday”

    And those words resonate, maybe I am glad I’m worth being dreamt as part of this grand dream.

    Svihawu Bless,


    “Prairie Wolf”
    – A. Sylvaster Valentine.

  • September… Overcoming hate and existential fear.

    September was a very rough month. My journal took the brunt of my existential fear. I wasn’t able to keep my hopes above the fear most days. The anti-trans lies and rhetoric in the news has me terrified. I don’t want to go outside. I don’t feel safe. Its worse in the country. I’m so glad I’m in a city now and not down south or alone.

    I learned 20 years ago in high-school that bullies can do awful things without consequence or notice. I observed that if I said or did anything mean or disparaging toward them I was seen as worst than anything they did to me. This is because while I was being tormented, others pretended not to see it, or cheered for the intentional suffering. The bullying is larger now. It didn’t get better, it got worse.

    I have to remind myself the hard truth of believing in basic unconditional human rights and having unconditional empathy to all for our shared mortal condition. Its frustrating, its difficult, its painful……To not wish harm to those who’s cruelty to you has no limit.

    There is no moral step to stand on lowering the social standard below mortal dignity. Be Better.

    I’ve been watching the planets fade before dawn in the morning. The stars don’t care I come dressed as me. It feels safer to stay in and hide during the full moon. I don’t feel brave enough to go out. I’m trying to stay disconnected from the news cycle but its hard right now. Maybe October will be more hopeful. I kept doing daily sketches in spite of how the world makes me feel. I didn’t think I would make progress or feel good. Putting this together let me see that I was wrong.

    “I want to be positive but that is such a difficult task, Svihawu.”

    “Prairie Wolf”
    – A. Sylvaster Valentine.

    A drawing of Valla with a hat and glasses and some leaves and an apple sketched in colored pen
    9-2-25 – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    A picture of Valla drawn with blue pen, the phrase "When it rains, remember who you are, how far youve come. " Signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine written to the right.
    9-3-25 “When it rains, remember who you are, how far you’ve come. ” -Addaru Sylvaster Valentine
    A blue sketch of valla in a hat and glasses. Drawn from the side looking up to the left with the phrase "Svihawu, Today is hard. Its not easy existing. But it is something and I'm not ready for nothing. -A. Sylvaster Valentine. "
    9-4-25 “Svihawu, Today is hard. Its not easy existing. But it is something and I’m not ready for nothing.” -A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    Valla sketched in blue wearing her typical squashed hat and round glasses the phrase " . . . - A. Sylvaster Valentine" written to the right
    9-5-25 “…” -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla looking hopeful up and to the right. Standard Vallawalf attire squashy hat and glasses.
    9-6-25 – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla Sketched looking forward, worried.
    9-7-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Its Valla again, well dressed and sketched in blue facing off to the left, looking shady towards the viewer.
    9-8-25 A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    Valla sketched in her squashed hat looking through those round glasses right at you with the phrase. "I'm not a gamer, really... Hard mode is an accident" - A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    9-9-25 “I’m not a gamer, really… Hard mode is an accident” – A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    A sketch of Valla, my fursona in blue ink with the phrase "Be Positive, Its difficult" Addaru Sylvaster Valentine
    9-10-25 “Be Positive, Its difficult” A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla sketched in blue pen with black highlights in her hair. looks like a breeze is picking up and blowing all her fluff to the left.
    9-11-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla Sketched with a smirk, hat squashed as ever. signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    9-12-25 “…” -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla looking up at her squashy hat
    9-13-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla sketched facing forward looking up to the left. The phrase "Maybe its okay to draw the sadness - A. Sylvaster Valentine" written to the right.
    9-14-25 “Maybe its okay to draw the sadness” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla sketched staring forward with a mildly pleasant look on her face. So Stylish in a flat squashed hat and round glasses.
    9-15-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla is Sketched here turned to the left looking to the distance. The phrase "How do you live in a world where the truth is a lie. Svihawu Save us - Addaru Sylvaster Valentine" written to the top right.
    9-16-25 “How do you live in a world where the truth is a lie. Svihawu Save us” – A. Sylvaster Valentine”
    Valla in her floppy hat facing up and to the right. The phrase " I want to exist, Svihawu - A. Sylvaster Valentine" written to the top right.
    9-17-25 ” I want to exist, Svihawu” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla sketched looking straight forward. Signed A. Sylvaster Valentine.
    9-18-25 “…” A- Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla sketched facing to the left looking to the right with a blank attitude. Signed, Addaru Sylvaster Valentine.
    9-19-25 “…” A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Here we have the wonderful Prairiewolf shaped Valla Sketched in blue. Sporting a partial smile, round glasses and a flap squashed cap.
    9-20-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    A sad sketch of Valla looking down. The phrase "its hard to create on sad days - A. Sylvaster Valentine" written to the right.
    9-21-25 “Its hard to create on sad days” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla is sketched facing the left, looking to the viewer. The phrase "I feel I've only ever known family as lies and violence. Is that why i crave the kindness in truth, Svihawu? - A. Sylvaster Valentine" is written to the top right.
    9-22-25 “I feel I’ve only ever known family as lies and violence. Is that why i crave the kindness in truth, Svihawu?” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    A blue sketch of Valla looking down and blue.
    9-23-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    A sketch of Valla wearing a flatcap and round glasses. She is facing down to the left looking back to the right. The phrase "Svihawu, Its hard to stay motivated. Its hard to heal - A. Sylvaster Valentine" is written in the top right.
    9-24-25 “Svihawu, Its hard to stay motivated. Its hard to heal” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    A happier sketch of Valla facing to the left. She is showing of hew new earrings that add to her hat and round glasses style. The Phrase "I finally got my ears pierced, Svihawu. I think its rather something. Thank you Svihawu for letting me have anything at all - Addaru Sylvaster Valentine" is written to the top right.
    9-25-25 “I finally got my ears pierced, Svihawu. I think its rather something. Thank you Svihawu for letting me have anything at all” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine
    Here we have a Happy Vallawalf. Sketched in blue she's grinning with here eyes closed and a paw brought near her face. In the background we see her tail. The Phrase "I feel better Svihawu, Thank you. - Addaru Sylvaster Valentine" is written in the top right.
    9-26-25 “I feel better Svihawu, Thank you.” – Addaru Sylvaster Valentine
    Valla is sketched in blue here, facing the left looking behind her to the right.
    9-27-25 -A. Sylvaster Valenting
    A sketch of Valla looking up to the right. She is both surprised and concerned. The phrase "Keep at it Vallaferescense, Its worth trying - Svihawu" Signed Addaru Sylvaster Valentine is written to the top right.
    9-28-25 “Keep at it Vallaferescense, Its worth trying – Svihawu” – A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Here we have a sketch of an Astrolatrian Sparkle star to the left. And Valla Sketched facing to the left and looking to the right. Her fangs are now more visible than ever. she is slightly concerned.
    9-29-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine
    Here we have Valla showing off her Faoluex tail fluff leaned forward with her arms crossed. she is looking ahead from under her squashed flatcap.
    9-30-25 -A. Sylvaster Valentine.