I have never been one to win anything by luck. Any appearance of luck is practice and prior effort to set the stage. The rest? Well, I’m told that is just coincidence. I think, instead, fate magics have a price.
10-19-25:
I was sore Sunday, I had been feeling anxious about not having changed my oil since last February. So we changed it and it was a stressful experience. I had been using an old belt to remove oil filters, it broke on me, I got covered in oil, and bruised my hand.
One day things will settle down.
10-20-25:
Monday morning started off okay. Still sore from Saturday. I even opened up that math book I wanted to put myself through. It was cozy while it lasted.
I really don’t like having to interact with government agencies, most of them are shut down because that’s all republicans know how to do. its all that republicans have done for 30 years and I’m the only one to state the absolute obvious to this observable truth. The republicans have the ruling majority and cant even agree on how much to increase taxes on common folk like me. I need interact with all the different ways the government I.D.’s and tracks us in order to finalize my name change. So I get to deal with the malicious dysfunction firsthand in my face. I think the feeling is worse knowing that I will pay more taxes to fund this displeasure.
I found out that keeping my old P.O. box active, I was able to get my name changed faster. it was 2 months wait here, or show up in person 500 miles away tomorrow, kind of schedule difference with no in between. Life wanted one extreme or another a true now or maybe never situation.
I drove through the night and was still tired from Saturday.
10-21-25:
I drew this in a truck stop parking lot at 5:30 am. I forgot tooth paste, rinsed with gas station peroxide, and had 4 hours of cold sleep in the back of the van. I still showed up, I drew this and kept at it. I made it to that appointment 500 miles away. I had all the paperwork I needed and keeping that P.O. box was worth every penny.
10-22-25:
“I am so tired”
I was so sleep deprived and dehydrated my head hurt so bad. I did it tho, that wasn’t luck, that sucked to make happen. I made it happen, so I guess that doesn’t suck.
10-23-25:
Oh and whats fun is after all of that, I now have to get a quarterly blood test. So now my arm hurts.
10-24-25:
I feel like I’ve been neglecting my creature self. I took several showers and just wore comfy sweatpants the whole day. I still managed to get some work done on some projects. somehow. I still showed up.
10-25-25:
It wasn’t I had to go out to pay a therapy bill. Future me is going to appreciate past me for having therapy appointments set up. So I didn’t get to stay inside all day. Someone was rude for no reason, actually, many people were. I’m exhausted to the level I might break if something else happens. I’m so glad my partner is here, just their presence is enough to let me breath when the anxiety pressure gets too high.
I’ve started being addicted to jolly ranchers. I used to smoke when I drove and needed to not during the trip earlier in the week. I was probably surviving on just jolly ranchers for most of Tuesday. I’ve had them constantly since getting back too. Maybe the hard candies will help when I run out of patches in a few days. It is happening next week. I was definitely having issues chewing on my pens before I left. A candy addiction is far less bad. Next week will have been six weeks since trying to quit nicotine vapes the ~bajillionth~ time. I made sure to get all three steps worth of patches when I started this attempt. Hopefully I can keep stocked up on jolly ranchers. I also love sour gummies. I will do -things- for Troli sour gumi worms.
Maybe the new moon cycle will be kind to me. I did not turn down her instructions and I did all those things.
I wonder if my daily pen doodles qualify as inktober doodles?
Svihawu Bless,
“Prairie Wolf”
A. Sylvaster Valentine
